Another day of giving my dog freedom, choices, and autonomy—and guess what? My house is still standing. No shredded curtains, no flipped-over furniture, and definitely no doggie rebellion to overthrow my rule. Shocking, right?
I often see that there’s this deeply ingrained fear in so many of us that giving dogs autonomy equals chaos. It’s almost like people think freedom leads to anarchy—dogs running wild in the streets, barking demands for more treats, and claiming our couches as their thrones. But is that really the case?
Living with dogs like Sammy, Zoey, Laddoo, Lady, and Bala has taught me otherwise. This isn’t just about dog training or dog parenting—it’s about challenging our own fears, biases, and need for control.
Why Do We Fear Freedom?
I see it all the time. There’s this collective anxiety that if we give our dogs even a little bit of freedom, the whole system will collapse. And to be honest, I’ve felt it too.
What if Sammy doesn’t listen to me and wrecks the house? What if Zoey dashes straight into traffic? What if Laddoo decides freedom means running riot in the neighborhood? It’s easy to spiral into a worst-case-scenario mindset. But the reality is, our fear says more about us than it does about our dogs.
Fear of the Unknown
When Sammy first came home, I was the ultimate micromanager. I decided what he ate, where he slept, how he walked—every little thing. And honestly, I told myself it was for his own good. “He’s just a dog; he doesn’t know what’s best for him.”
But looking back, I realize that wasn’t the full story. The truth is, I didn’t trust him—or myself—to handle the unknown. And let’s face it, the unknown is scary. What happens when you loosen the reins? What if your dog makes the “wrong” choice?
Here’s the thing, though: when we never allow our dogs to make choices, we’ll never know what they’re capable of.
Lack of Trust
This fear of the unknown ties directly into a lack of trust. We love our dogs, but we’re so quick to assume they’ll mess everything up if given the chance. Let them roam the house while we’re out? We imagine coming home to chewed-up pillows and chaos. Let them decide the direction of a walk? We’re convinced they’ll run straight into traffic.
I remember the first time I let Sammy take the lead on a walk. My heart was in my throat, imagining all the ways it could go wrong. But you know what? He didn’t run off. He didn’t pick fights with every dog. He didn’t choose chaos. He didn’t pick everything on the path and eat it. That walk was a turning point for me—it showed me just how thoughtful, curious, and intuitive dogs can be when we trust them.
The Dominance Myth
And then there’s the big one: dominance. Oh, how we love to throw that word around. Don’t let your dog on the couch, or they’ll think they’re in charge. Don’t let them walk ahead, or they’ll start dictating everything. Don’t give them choices, or they’ll try to dominate you.
Here’s the thing: dominance is a myth. At least the dominance as we have come to understand it and the way it is used in the dog training and parenting world. The scientist who popularized the “Alpha Dog” concept has debunked it, yet it continues to persist. Why? Because it’s comforting. It gives us a framework to justify control. But controlling every aspect of your dog’s life doesn’t make you a strong leader—it just makes you a micromanager.
But most importantly, it is sad and unfortunate that we see our relationship with our dogs in terms of dominance - either we dominate the dog or they dominate us. I'm sure most of us never had this intention when we brought home our dog. We wanted a loving relationship with them. We wanted a caring, fun, respectful and trusting relationship with them. So when did it all become about dominance?
A loving relationship with your dog should never feel like power struggle - it should feel like a partnership.
Lessons from Free-Living Dogs
Living in a city with free-living dogs has taught me so much about canine autonomy. These dogs navigate complex environments, coexist with humans, and make decisions every day—without anyone micromanaging them. And guess what? They’re doing just fine.
They don’t run into traffic constantly. If dogs lacked basic self-preservation, our streets would be chaos. Instead, they learn to avoid danger on their own.
They don’t binge-eat everything in sight. Sure, some dogs have issues with food regulation, but most free-living dogs aren’t scarfing down every scrap they see.
They coexist with other animals. Free-living dogs often share spaces with cats, chickens, and other species. They aren’t mindless predators—they know how to coexist.
Seeing these dogs thrive made me question everything I thought I knew. If free-living dogs can handle autonomy, why can’t our companion dogs?
Why Do Some Dogs Struggle with Freedom?
Of course, not all dogs handle freedom perfectly right away. But instead of jumping to conclusions, we need to dig deeper and ask: Why?
Dysregulation
A dog that’s constantly in fight-or-flight mode can’t make rational decisions. Think of it this way: if you’re panicking about a deadline at work, are you going to make the best decisions about what to cook for dinner? Probably not.
Unmet Needs
Imagine being stuck in a house with nothing to eat, no one to talk to, and no way to express yourself. You’d probably act out too. Dogs with unmet needs—whether physical, emotional, or social—will seek to fulfill them however they can. Unmet needs can lead to dysregulation and outlets that may look like “bad” choices.
For example, Zoey used to chew up anything she found when left alone. At first, I thought she was just being naughty. But when I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture, I realized she was anxious and had a social need unmet. Once I started meeting her need, she never came across as one to make “bad” choices.
Starting in Difficult Situations
Many dogs struggle because we throw them into the deep end right away, setting them up for failure. It’s not about practice—it’s about where and how we start giving dogs freedom.
Dogs need to start in environments where the stakes are low and the options are manageable.
Freedom isn't about testing your dog in the hardest situations - it's about creating opportunities for them to succeed!
Where Can You Start?
If you’re ready to give your dog more freedom, start small. Here’s what worked for me:
Start Small: Provide options—like multiple resting spots—and let your dog choose.
Start Easy: Let them decide the direction of a walk. A simple act of trust goes a long way.
Start Safe: Begin in environments where it’s safe for your dog to explore autonomy.
Observe and Learn: Pause before giving commands. Watch what your dog does naturally—you might be surprised.
Meet Their Needs: Make sure your dog’s physical, emotional, and social needs are fully met.
Final Thoughts
Giving your dog freedom isn’t about letting go of control—it’s about building trust and respect. It’s about seeing your dog for who they truly are: a thoughtful, intuitive individual who deserves a voice in their own life.
The greatest gift you can give your dog is the freedom to be themselves.
So, are you ready to take that leap? If you’re unsure where to start, DM me on Instagram at @dogpawmise—I’d love to help!
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